Wall Patching After Chip Rage

01 Apr

After a long absence and shut down, (due to barely clothed images of Gunnison during a recent job hunt of his) Chip Samson Takes a Look at Life is back to be even more random than ever before. Our first adventurous return dives into some home improvement advice…

Patching Holes in Your Wall

If you have random violent episodes as I do (commonly referred to by some as Chip or Sammy Rage), you may find yourself without a car stereo or perhaps a big old hole punched in your wall. These can occur after losing at a game, ever being wrong about anything, if there wasn’t anywhere to sit at All-U-Can eat wing night, or if you are a Colorado Buffaloes fan. Something, I cannot remember, happened and I recently ended up with this gem:



Have no fear if a bad episode comes upon you, and you end up with a hole like this one. I’m going to run through a step by step process of patching this bad boy up.

First, you are going to want to call your main carpentry buddy (i.e. Tyler Cross). If you can get your carpentry buddy to do it for you, great! If not, you’ll have to do it yourself and here is how:

What you Need: Measuring Tape, Drywall Square, Razor/Utility Knife, Pen/Pencil/Sharpie, Saw (drywall style, or whatever you have), Drywall “Mud” (get the actual stuff), 2×4, Screws, Drill, Mesh Wall Repair Patch, Little and Big Scrapy Things, Color-Matched Paint and Brush, Beers for when you’re done (mainly throughout, or at least after razor work).



Measure the length of your hole. In my case, it was around 10 inches long. You are going to need a drywall square to fill the hole. You can get 2 feet x 2 feet squares at the Home Depot. I planned to cut my into a 12in x 12 in square…











You need to measure the square out and then mark it with a pen so you can cut it out. Go over the lines with a razor then saw it off. You can use a drywall saw if you have one, I don’t so I used this classic wood saw. (Yes, that is the exact saw that was used to make the booths at the original Gary’s Bar back in 2008)…



Once you have your patching square of drywall cut off, put it over your hole and trace around it. (It’s good to put a mark on the patch and the wall at an edge so you remember how it lines up – I failed to do so as I state below). This tracing will give you a nice shape around your hole that your patch will fit nicely into…


The left side of my tracing is close to the hole because there is a big metal beam behind the wall just a bit farther to the left…



The next move is to slice over the tracing with the razor (try to hold off on crushing too many beers before this point – you’ll want the razor to be steady and straight. This can also be shaky if you’re coming off a rough bender and have tremors really bad). Once you have razor-ed all the edges of the square, take your saw and cut from the hole out to the edges. break the pieces off as you go, and then clean it up with the saw to get a nice clean looking cut out…



Now it’s time to make a little backing behind your hole so you can secure your patching square to something. Measure out a 2×4 to be 6 inches longer than my hole. I went 8 inches because I have that towel rack right above my hole. Then saw that 2×4 to the length needed…



Put the 2×4 behind the hole against the inside of the drywall and screw that puppy into place…


Once you have the backing in place, slide in your patching square. Remember above, I forgot to mark my patch and the wall to recall how to line it up, but I got it in one way. Whatever, the puddy stuff will fill it in no matter what…


When you press the patch into place, try not to get Hulk level on it or you can cause more wall damage…


Tyler (carpentry buddy) said to get one of these mesh patches, but it wasn’t big enough for the hole that I raged into the bathroom wall…



Tyler told me to get All-Purpose Drywall Compound “Mud” at Home Depot, but I got lazy looking around, so I just settled for this spackling crap that I found. (Listen to your carpentry buddy). Start covering your patch, holes, mesh, screws with Drywall “Mud” (I start with spackling crap)…




Puddy away until you get a whole coat over it all…


Then you come back to it an hour or so later and realize it looks like crap and wasn’t as smooth because you didn’t listen to your carpentry buddy. Go get yourself Drywall “Mud”. Apply another coat to it all with the good stuff…



Level it out with this bigger scrapy thing…



And you say to yourself “Damn! that looks a lot better than it did after I punched it and after the first time I tried to cover it in some puddy!”…



Let the drywall mud sit for 24 hours. Then cover the white mud with a paint that has been color matched to the wall (this can be done at Home Depot by bringing in a piece of the broken wall).



After you cover the whole thing in paint, wait a little bit and paint it again. It looks better, but it’s still not perfect. Whatever, I’m not Bob Vila. Stop punching your walls! (and car stereos).



And that’s a pic of a Golden and a Berner puppy playing. Smile.


1 Comment

Posted by on April 1, 2015 in Uncategorized


One response to “Wall Patching After Chip Rage

  1. Jeff

    April 2, 2015 at 4:20 am

    that is Fucking Hilarious! “Whatever, I’m not Bob Vila”


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